Day 78 – Picnic, coffee in my favorite cemetery and a bus ride

I had an amazing Sunday. It started out with a picnic at Villa Demidoff, where we ate a great lasagna made by beautiful and dear friends and lots of tramezzini, which we love, prepared carefully by yours truly in the middle of the night. We love going to this park and if you have a car you can use, I recommended for any kind of fun activity you would like to do outside; especially for reading a good book under a huge oak tree. If you are really lucky you can see the deer bouncing around the picnic area, only to disappear seconds after among the trees. After three beautiful hours spent chatting, eating and playing with our little monsters, we felt relaxed and ready to start a new week. As if that wasn’t enough fun, I went out with two of my creative friends,for them to tell me all about their non-creative activities and them being fabulous the night before; in other words constructive girl’s gossip. It was loads of fun, especially when at some point they decided to continue our gossip in my favorite cemetery. The view from the kitchen over the graves, which I could see while I was making the perfect foam for my cappuccino, the breeze coming from the giant cherry-tree just next to the terrace, the conversation and company was more then I could ask to finish off my day (except for those annoying mosquitoes, but even they were included in our conversation). I headed...

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Day 77 – After marriage comes divorce… or was it happiness?

Today I had a conversation with a good friend about all the people that get divorced and naturally the topic developed to couples who argue and fight. I already spoke my thoughts about relationships here, but marriage is a whole different topic. I am the kind of person who doesn’t believe in marriage (I know, I am married) and I think marriage is a mistake created by society that should not be allowed to everyone; also it’s only a very good tool for controlling the population. It sounds harsh and I can almost hear the whispers in my ear, telling me I am weird just to say that out loud, but I am so used to that, that I really don’t care (hahaha). I will push it even harder by saying that people shouldn’t be allowed to have children, without some serious psychological testing first. Why am I different? Maybe I’m not, but the thing is that if marriage would be forbidden, I wouldn’t care, I would still be with my man, regarding of any piece of paper or social status. To get back to divorces, I honestly don’t get why nowadays divorce is so common. I believe in true love and I also believe that love is not enough; you need friendship, communication and self-esteem. Imagine if I would want to be a surfer and he would want to be an alpinist; that would lead to some serious issues and also to a lot of compromises. And that’s...

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Day 76 – Some anniversary thoughts

Six years ago, I compromised and woke up early in the morning because I had made a promise to take someone else’s name that day, his name. It seemed like a beautiful, sunny day and I remember being extremely nervous, not because I was about to get married, but because I was terrified something would change between us (yes, I am the one with manly fears around the house). Seconds before leaving the house and heading to the City Hall, we stood in the hallway and exchanged wedding rings, just like that, simple and sealed with a kiss. We then headed to the real ceremony and said our recognized by the law “I do’s!”. There were no funny events that I could tell you about and no mixed emotions whatsoever. I could even say that it looked like a normal day, except the tone of flowers, the laughter and the kissing. Eight people were present to witness our official bond and after a nice lunch with them, we called all of our friends (they had no idea we were supposed to get married that day) and celebrated our own way: at home, with lots of alcohol, good food and crazy outbursts among good friends. They all showed up at our place and we greeted them with a shout: “Surprise!!!!” and after some serious hugging and kissing, we started dancing. Oh and the party we had was so wild, that the pictures and the videos got lost over the years; no proof...

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Day 75 – Another trip to the emergency room

I got to see some of the friends I made three weeks ago, today (if I can call them friends).  When I got to the emergency room, I noticed that everything looks very different when you are not in pain and you just have to sit there and wait quietly for your turn. You get to see the faces clearly, the place is much scarier and the cases that come in and out… well, they are not so pleasant to the eye. The first nurse passes by; she looks at me, smiles, says hi and I can see from her face that she is wondering where does she know me from. The second nurse comes in and gives me a look, while saluting and starts running to her new case. I begin to feel like a movie star in the emergency room (hahaha) and I also got the feeling that the other patients, who are waiting as well, hate me a little, thinking that I have friends here. No, no friends, it’s just plain luck that tonight it’s the exact same shift as three weeks ago. I see the “morphine” nurse. She passes by quickly, then turns back and grabs my hand: “Are you ok?” I nod and explain the situation and she starts laughing: “Well in that case, no more morphine for you girl!”  I begin to look at the people around me: a five months pregnant woman who has a terrified look on her face and keeps rubbing...

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Day 74 – Not a good day

I feel nothing. It’s like someone sat on my chest and pressed all the feelings away. But, that’s bullshit because I feel something. I am angry. I am angry with my body that keeps failing me again and again. I am angry at the doctors just because they know much more than they are saying. I am angry at the rules I have to obey to get by every day. I am angry that I have to wait to fulfill my dreams although I am ready now, yesterday. I am angry at my parents, because they didn’t know better. I am angry at some of my friends who are full of shit and pretend to be the best thing they ever happened to me. I am angry with myself because I lost a lot of time just dreaming and not doing, just talking and not acting, just understanding and not… and not what? I am bitter and I want nothing more than to enjoy my anger today and replace it  with some laughter and happiness tomorrow . Until then, over and out!

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Day 73 – A story about nothing

What would a story about nothing sound like? Many, many years ago, I had to take a simple exam that would have assured me a very nice job. I was the best of the best and I had to take a written test and then have a final interview with two prestigious teachers. I was so confident, that I didn’t even bother to check my answers after the written exam and it turned out I was right: I did perfect. The next day, the day of the interview, I wasn’t nervous at all. I just went in and patiently waited my turn, having a huge smile on my face that said: “I got this!”. On the chair in front of me there was a small guy, about my age, that was biting his nails and whispering something to himself. I said hi to him although I knew it was between me and him; he was the enemy. After ten minutes they called us inside and our seats were next to each other while facing the two teachers. The room was a perfect square and the furniture included four chairs, a table between us and them, a huge library filled with heavy books and a giant clock on the wall in front of me. That clock was to become my nothing. First we had to introduce ourselves and I did a better job than the other guy, but the clock kept staring at me. The next step was a round of questions...

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Day 72 – The kind of person I “used” to be

I seem to be a very different person than I was three years ago. That is not even a little bit true, but because I am more constrained by time and life priorities than back then, this seems to be the general opinion (even mine sometimes). Today, me and my better half took a ride down the memory lane and remembered one of my adventures. I had just moved to Florence and everything seemed to shape in a natural way: nice house, nice job, lots of free time and lots of Martini’s after work hours. After six months, I got a little home sick and just wanted to jump on a plane and spend at least two hours in my beautiful Bucharest. Of course you can’t do that if you have no reason at all so, I started spending all my free time, browsing the internet to find any kind of event that needed my attention and presence back home. I couldn’t find anything for a long time and a lot of Martini drinks until… my favorite band posted an announcement that they will be singing in a private club two weeks from that date. I was set and my plan was being forged; I waited for D to come home and informed him that I had to, I just had to go to that concert, that it could be my last chance to see them perform and a lot of nonsense reasons which I can’t even remember right...

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Day 71 – Florence and I, hand in hand this weekend

This weekend I got to spend a lot of time downtown of Florence. I’ve missed that a lot; seeing the city, going out for coffee, meeting friends and working on my projects. It feels like everything is coming back to normal after a long time of misery. I love this city and I can’t imagine living anywhere else right now; I can’t say I will never leave it and I can never know what could pop out of the hat for us, but for now this city is a blessing for our lives, our art and our future. The buildings, the air, the possibilities and the culture here, makes me hope every day that there is a slight chance to succeed, that the Italian state won’t burry my ass in taxes and that at some point I can just relax and forget about paying rent and other “unnecessary” living expenses. I never say this, but ever since I am here, I started to actually want to finish my projects. I have always had stuff that I was writing on and small projects or books that I used to spend my time on, but I would never finish them. I have always gotten them to the finish line, but I was always afraid to cross that line; it was pointless. Florence gave me hope; I have no idea why, but it made me want to finish and go on, constantly whispering in my ear that nothing is in vain, that...

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Day 70 – The recipe for the perfect love affair

Over the years a lot of my friends and people who’ve met me and D, asked what’s our secret? Why all this happiness after thirteen years of being together? Where does it come from? Aren’t we bored yet? I tried to think of an answer, but every time I came out blank, because there is no answer or advice or secret we could share. What I am going to do is try to compare relationships with cooking (you’ve read it right: cooking). Whenever you start cooking something you love, you try to find the best ingredients for it. You will find the same exact ingredients in other recipes too, but combined in very different ways or with different spices added. Anyway, let’s assume we all love chocolate cake (I actually know people who don’t like it). Let’s further assume that we all try out the same chocolate cake, cooked in the same way, from the same bakery. At some point we will want to go and bake our own chocolate cake, because we don’t want to settle with just a taste or a piece, we want the whole thing for ourselves. So, we ask for the recipe and try to reproduce it. But when we get home and all the ingredients are nicely placed in front of us, we will try to make it even better, to melt our taste buds in pleasure even more than the one from the bakery did. Some of us will add more cinnamon,...

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Day 69 – Absolute solitude

The solitude in your head… that is your most precious friend and your worst enemy. You can have all your loved ones around you, family, friends, maybe children and the fortunate ones also have “the one”, but you are alone in your head and you will always be alone in there. There is no one who can tell for sure what highways or no ways are paved inside that thick skull and there are things that you don’t allow even to the dwarfs controlling your brain to see (big surprise, I believe dwarfs live in our heads). When the going gets tough, that solitude digs until it reaches your soul and it begins to play with your needs, your feelings, yourself. When the going gets wonderful, that solitude needs friends to share its joy and pride, but still it will enjoy a moment only for itself, to kiss its own metaphoric forehead. Your inner thoughts about situations, friends, people near you, behaviors, betrayals, love, are almost never the ones you share with the world around you. In fact, I think no one says the same thing to two different people if those people aren’t connected. The things you say to the family who raised you, will be slightly embellished than the raw ones you tell your lover for instance. The stuff you tell your friends will have a totally different shape than what you tell people you’ve just met. They will all feel as being the same, having the same meaning...

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