Day 163 – Identity crises

There are days when I have no reason to write anything. There are days when I don’t feel the need to write anything and there are days when I absolutely don’t want to write anything (that mostly happens when I have a dark day). Today I am having a dark day and I think I am getting tired of this carousel of emotions. I have the urge to stop, sit still, cover myself in blankets, drink a cinnamon tea and eat chocolate cookies with nothing but silence around me. Sometimes the silence kills me all together because I can hear my brain thinking, other times the same silence vacuums every thought I have and I can pretend I don’t exist for a second.(Have you tried that? It’s awesome!) Today is one of those days when nothing makes sense and I want to crawl into a black hole where no one can find me for a while. I would sit quietly there for twenty minutes, I will start missing my family, I would get hungry, I would slowly open my eyes and eventually when all the initial feelings will go away, I would wish to have something to write on so I can remember that black hole moment.

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Day 162 – Back to work

That day of the week again, when all the faces on the street are sadder and sighing from time to time, when the minute hand of the clock seems to walk slower somehow. For me Mondays, mean a lazy morning, getting up late, having coffee with my family and after lunch, going on the working war front. I am always looking forward for Monday evenings, because of our weekly writers meeting and, because I started working on a new project (which cannot be disclosed for now), it’s even more exciting to meet my “kind” of people and blabber away about literature. This week seemed so long that I almost feel I didn’t see them in a long time, but so much has happened since last Monday that my brain is stopping me from acknowledging that it’s only been a week. As for all of you out there, may you have a great start of the week and whether you are being lazy all day or busy little bees, have a beautiful day, which you will look nicely back at, when you will be in bed all tucked in tonight.

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Day 161 – Strolling through the streets of Florence

This weekend Open Studio Weekend happened in Florence, organized by Lost in Florence. The event was very popular and some studios opened there doors specially for it. Because I had an exhausting Saturday, I only stopped by at some doors, just to say “Hi!” and to catch up with some of my favorite artists. My first one was Sara, and as usual her place is very alive and colorful, inviting the eyes to wander and relax at the sight of her work. I personally have fallen in love with some of her latest necklaces which now are on the “must have” list. If you didn’t get to see Sara’s studio this weekend, you can visit her anytime on Via di Mezzo 6. My next stop was Il Torchio, a bookbinding shop that has become one of my favorites because of its products. What better way to charm a writer than placing him in a shop with paper smell, lots of awesome things for him to play with and a friendly shop owner. One of the problems I am facing while in this shop is that my enthusiasm grows such huge wings that I start acting weird; you know like a five year old that really wants to go to Disneyland and when he finally gets there, he just looks around with a dumb look on his face and waddles like a penguin. Anyways, Erin’s place is really amazing and it’s worth visiting. You can find it on Via dei Bardi...

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Day 160 – Working day and an amazing lunch

And thus began my working Saturdays. Leaving the house at 8,15 this morning was such a surprise for our bartender friend, that he looked outside and asked if it was snowing. But then again he never saw me up and on the streets before 10am, so his amazement was pretty justified. A nice chocolate pastry to give me some energy and a cappuccino were just the things I need it to start my day properly and get going. The first class I taught today, was with the sweetest children. I loved them so much and they made it so easy and fun for me to teach them. I can’t wait to see them again next Saturday and hear their cute little voices calling out: “Teacher, just a second in Italy please?” which would be the English version of: “Teacher can I please speak Italian for a second?”. What can I say, we are slowly getting there and as long as we are having fun, learning is just the second act which will come naturally. After all that teaching and with a two hour window, what better thing to do than visit Sara‘s studio and let Luigi (her husband) feed me lunch. I’ve had the best pasta with pesto and pomodori of my life, although I have to admit I’ve never had pesto before, so I was an easy conquest; still for me the dish was amazing, so thank you again Luigi, you are my feeding hero for the day. With...

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Day 159 – The meaning of all things

What is the meaning of all the things happening around us, or of the things we make happen? What does it all lead to? There are so many parts of our life that we choose to ignore sometimes, only so we can take them out and explore whenever we are ready to face them. For instance, if you are having a bad day, you could think that everything is pointless because you will eventually die, so no matter what you achieve the end is imminent. On other days, when you’re having an amazing time, you can believe anything is possible and your brain gives meaningfulness to things that you didn’t even notice before. There can be so many situations like that and for each situation, the meaning of everything can change completely from a minute to another. So what is the real purpose of everything you claim to be and sometimes feel you are? There is none. The purpose is not to have a meaning that you can cling on, but just to be. Months ago I would have said that the point is to be you, but you are never who you expect to be and you are a constant change both for the world and for yourself.

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Day 158 – Strolling downtown of Florence and museum hospitals

Sometimes even hospitals can be museums. I went to visit a friend in the hospital today and while the one I was in some months ago looked really futuristic and clean, this one looked like a real live museum. While I was searching for the surgical floor, I stopped numerous times to take pictures and at some point I realized I was behaving like a tourist. But how can you not when the building itself is a work of art. Doing a little research I found out that Da Vinci too was admitted and treated in that hospital and I have to say that the hospital’s bar has a really nice terrace. I know, I am a freak, people are dying and suffering there and I care about there coffee place, their sculptures and works of art, but what can I say, Florence does that to you in so many ways. Oh, yes and my friend had a view to the Duomo from his window! So, although it wasn’t a happy occasion nor a desirable one, today I strolled downtown of Florence, slowly taking each step to reach my destination, looking around me and admiring the city that is my host. And to end the day in a proper way, I also stopped to say hi to another good friend, at her jewelry studio, so maybe I can say that today was visiting day. Good night Florence! Thank you for the enjoyable walk! Alla prossima!  

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Day 157 – Something different

When I was a teenager, I used to write little stories on my secret notebooks just to try and unleash some of the evil hormones tormenting me. Sometimes, they were very short stories, other times ransom thoughts, or small poems (indeed I used to write what I now hate the most haha), but no matter what I wrote, it always came back to the same feeling, unleashing myself and setting me free. I never planned to become a writer, it wasn’t even on my list, my only interest was literature and finding a job where I can be payed to read a lot of books. (Never found it, moving on.) When I understood that writing is part of my life, I wondered if I could write more than just short stories and over the years I have started at least five different novels, all of them dear to my soul, some almost finished, some with the length of only three pages; but none of them seemed to fit my standards of becoming my first novel. When my first book got published I wasn’t proud, I wasn’t happy, I only felt exposed and at the mercy of the readers – such a crazy, disturbing feeling, which I absolutely had to relive again. Anyway, that first novel was suppose to have the perfect first page, the perfect beginning and the perfect amount of everything so that it could attract the eyes of hungry readers as myself. I’ve always said that when my...

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Day 156 – When the wave of desperation hits

In the three decades that I have spent walking around on this thing we all call Earth, the feeling of desperation hit me more than I would have wanted or expected to. The symptoms are usually the same: something bad happens that leads to another pile of shitty things and eventually you fall into a giant pit. I’ve always pictured the feeling as being on the last step of a ladder and just when you are about to release it and touch the rooftop with your feet, the ladder begins to sway, and you start panicking. Despair is one of those feelings who never lasts more than three seconds, but in the midst of feeling it you actually imagine that a life time has gone by and by the end of those three seconds, when you are safe or only injured, you don’t even remember and acknowledge what happened to you. During these three decades, I was taught that no matter how hard you struggle, someone or something will turn around, face you, and place a barrier between you and your dreams, hopes, accomplishments and so on. You know, the good things. I guess there is a point in everyone’s life when you just think “I don’t care anymore! Hit me with your best shot!” and that’s when things start to get interesting, the ladder suddenly finds its balance and you can finally step foot on that rooftop. But remember, if you look back, even for one second, the Universe will...

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Day 155 – Writing under the stars

You all know what it’s like to have a passion, right? And we all have a favorite place where we practice that passion. For me, writing under a tree on an empty field or up in the mountains until the stars appear, is my favorite thing in the world. Back home I used to have a house up in the mountains, where my godmother lives and I used to go there and wonder off to explore the surroundings, sometimes having a notebook or pen handy, most of the times just climbing the hill and glance over the lake, writing only with my thoughts, planning novels and stories, becoming depressed because of my characters or happy for them. When I got my first easy to carry laptop, I replaced daydreaming and the notebook with the keyboard. For two years I have taken my laptop everywhere, used it as my main tool for writing, until one day the battery died and my new electronic notebook only worked if plugged in. I was very sad and felt like my writing days outside of the house are over, but you know what, I realized that my notebooks were still waiting for me, my pens were still applauding my need for them and so I embraced their presence again and suddenly writing under the stars was no longer impossible. Last night, while on my balcony, with my computer plugged in, I looked at the sky and I imagined I am under a tree, somewhere...

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Day 154 – Coffee, cake and sunshine

Oh, it’s that day of the week again; the day when everything stops in the morning and we just enjoy our company whispering to each other that it’s Sunday. We take Ephia in our bed for another half an hour of cuddling and after a quick breakfast we all go to the best pastry shop to get coffee and cake. I think Ephia loves and recognizes Sundays because of this little ritual we have. She knows this pastry shop and the people who work in it, ever since she was born and, if there would exist such a thing as an eye-hole for babies to see outside when you are pregnant, she would have known the place from when she was a small tadpole. We love going there on Sundays and relish on an outrageously good cake, drink an awesome cappuccino and listen to Ephia’s speeches while she is licking every creamy finger she has and then invents some more. We often look at her and remember how four years ago, we used to spend every weekend nights in this place, planning our future, being wild and free and laughing with friends around us. We used to call it the meditation place, because one way or another we would always end up talking philosophical stuff at 4 o’clock in the morning. Even while pregnant, the whole staff knew that I had a habit of going there every two days and eat a piece of cake and have a cafe latte,...

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