Day 129 – Opinions

Everyone has an opinion about everything and everyone else. We are entitled to our opinions nowadays and we can throw them in the air, not caring if they hurt or if they are need it or not, just because we have the right to speak up. Your life is analyzed and thought of in a much better way than you by your friends, family or even acquaintances and they all know best, as if they are the ones turning off the lights in your house every night, or see you cry or laugh whenever you feel like it. I love freedom of speech, it is what allows me to speak up now and in numerous occasions, but abusing of that freedom and not doing anything else, but hurt others, is vicious and out of line. For instance, you can not and should not ever tell someone how to raise their children, unless you see actual abuse and you have to report it, but other then that keep your damn opinions to yourself and don’t ever share them just because you can. Another good one is about what one should do with his love life. Do you actually think that people who have a “troubled” love life, or are single are idiots too? Again, I am not talking about the exceptions when your opinion is not need it but your help is. I just want to know, who gives anyone the right to give free advice when it’s not asked for?...

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Day 128 – Jokes about artists and writers

I was planning on writing something entirely different today but a friend of mine sent me these jokes and I couldn’t help myself not to share. As we all know, humans can make fun of themselves easily and thus jokes have been invented. Every flaw or specific characteristic of someone can be exploit it and transformed into laughing material. So, after all those years laughing of dentists, lawyers, doctors and so on, today I found myself laughing of artists and writers (why is that always different?). They say you should never touch an artist’s ego in the wrong way, or laugh at his work, because posterity will have to suffer and endure his rage over the centuries. Well, I won’t be as harsh as sharing the really mean ones but these are the ones that made me laugh today. “How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun and the cocker spaniel.” And to be fair and not forget about all my fellow writers, here’s one that is painfully true: “A writer died and was given the option of going...

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Day 127 – Funny Romanian sayings

Because yesterday I mentioned a funny Romanian saying, I thought about giving you a taste of how funny or weird some can get, so here is my top five Romanian sayings, which I’ve heard throughout my whole childhood and adolescence. 1. The one who will steal an egg today, will steal an ox tomorrow! I have heard this saying a lot before I turned twelve, because I was kind of a kleptomaniac and I used to steal other children’s crap when we went visiting. At some point my mom had to undress me every time before going home, so I couldn’t use my favorite excuse that I forgot them in my pocket after playing with them. But, as I said, it was just crap and it’s not like I didn’t leave them something in exchange, usually some toy I was bored with or the lions from the Kinder collection that I had twice. Honestly from my point of view I was being fair and reasonable. 2. Don’t drown yourself at the shore like the gypsies do! This one is the one that will probably follow me around my whole life, as it was taken over by D, to bug me with it, after I finally escaped it from my mother’s mouth. I can’t deny I do tend (I mean I always do) not to finish anything I have started working on, no matter how exciting or interesting and I have a reputation of working extremely hard for what I want and...

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Day 126 – Odd mood

This will be a rather odd entry because I have no idea what to tell you about. Should I write about last night and the nice dinner and wine we had in the now famous cemetery, or about the fun we had dancing with Ephia on the little path among the tombstones? Or maybe I should talk about how things are starting to move so fast that we can barely keep up and decisions have to be made before we can even analyze them properly. It is said that when you are busy, things are working out for you. It is said that when you are busy, you have no time left to be happy. It is said that if you are doing what you love, you begin mixing happiness with the need and hunger for that thing. And it is also said that no matter what you do or don’t do, you will always want something else that seems more exciting and interesting. There was a time when I envied people who went to work everyday, when I had too much free time, but they kept telling me to enjoy my lifestyle, working from home, because they would kill for what I had. I didn’t believe it then, but when I started going to work and actually left my house to do that, I understood what they meant. We will never be comfortable with what we have and as we say in my country, the neighbor’s goat will always be...

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Day 125 – Reminder of happiness

I started my day hearing giggling coming from the other room. I didn’t dare to move as happy sounds haven’t been around our house lately, so I just sat in bed, facing the wall and enjoyed the music playing in my ears. I listened to them talk and laugh and finally decided to join the fun, so I jumped out of bed and headed towards the door. My daughter’s smile lit up the hallway as she was running towards me to give me the best hug I could have possibly wanted. What came next was like the silence that a storm leaves behind after it passes, that moment when you are not sure if to smile or expect a new wave of thunders to scream out of the sky. But the thunders were nowhere to be heard, so we enjoyed our long forgotten ritual and went out together for cappuccino. As I was holding Ephia in my lap, watching her sip her milk foam from the little cup the bartender has reserved only for her, I knew this is going to be a good day. The house is weirdly quiet now and the only sounds that can be heard are the occasional giggles coming from her room as she is making her toys perform for her. I’ve missed those sounds and I’ve missed her being happy and pain free. And as the afternoon will go play in another part of the world until tomorrow, and she will have napped and...

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Day 124 – Nothing

I have written about nothing before, but nothingness can be a never ending subject, especially when you actually have nothing to write about. It all feels like a giant fog that came out of no where and the only thing it wants is my nerves and serenity on a plate. The way nothingness screams in my head feels like it wants to puncture every brain cell and then to sew it up with nice colorful thread. I never get to choose the color, my opinion is worth nothing just like my problem. Rambling thoughts and all I can see in front of me is more babbling and not enough choices, not enough hope, not enough patience. Sometimes when I struggle I feel like floating on a cloud and it’s only meaning is to carry me away on Oliver Shanti vibrations. I will admit: not a good day today, but tomorrow, tomorrow the sun will rise and set again and the moon will find me holding a glass of white wine in my hand in one of my favorite places in Florence.

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Day 123 – Some voices wandering in my head

10.30 am. I need a smile today. I need the world to stop and concentrate only on giving me a smile. I don’t want any kind of smile, I need the quiet one that makes you float for a second. 1 pm. I still didn’t get my smile, but the house looks much nicer now and the lunch we had together almost seemed normal, with the pleasant conversation spiced with some pasta salad. Maybe after lunch I will indulge myself a pretend smile and fake the sensation. 4 pm. You can’t fake a feeling. Oh, but you can do anything with a little imagination and some lies. No, I can’t fake a real smile even if the house is quiet now and all I have to do is to lay back and stare at the ceiling. We killed to many mosquitoes this year, our ceiling looks bloody and depressed. What if I turn my head? The walls look the same, maybe even more bloody. 6 pm. The smile I wished for all day becomes a dream and I have no energy to run after it. I think it found a much nicer home and decided to stay there uninvited. Maybe the kind of smile I want doesn’t come when you ask it too. Maybe I will go out for a walk and I will stumble into it by mistake. 8 pm. D is making chocolate pancakes for dinner. Why don’t we have normal dinners like other people do? But if...

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Day 122 – About helplessness

When the being whom you have created suffers, all these mixed feelings come and circle around you, but mostly helplessness stocks you and doesn’t let go until the suffering is gone. As a mother, ever since my daughter was born, every time she is suffering from the smallest of things, I feel helpless and thus rage pays me a visit every time and I start building this huge pile of furious feelings that I can’t allow to get outside of me (I am not doing a very good job about keeping them in, but still). It feels like I’ve subscribed my soul to witness only her happiness and never her pain and that physically hurts. That is another strange feeling, the physical pain when she cries, when she is sad, when she is in pain. The most normal pain the world that we all feel as children, becomes the most severe one and it punches my brain, my stomach, my heart; maybe that’s why none of us remember the pains of our childhood and we start creating memories much later, so that our brain won’t frustrate our feelings with the pains which our body has gone through. Me and my better half are not used to a crying baby (you can see that clearly by reading here), or one who won’t eat, nor sleep, so the last five days were a little odd and confusing for us, but most of all the feeling of not being able to do anything about...

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Day 121 – Temptation

This last couple of weeks because my time was extremely limited, I had a lot of things that I postponed or just give up on because they were not priorities anyway. Instead I have built out of nowhere the time to write for myself and my book again, not articles, not new projects, not something that I would benefit from in any way any time soon, but just for myself and for my short story book which I am trying to get out in the world at some point. How did I do it? Well, I don’t even know that for sure, but I know I have decided one night to spend at least 4 hours a week doing only that. Maybe part of this decision is the pressure of the Monday meetings with the writers or maybe my brain wanted to do something only for its pleasure for a change. Anyway, the thing I struggled the most after challenging myself with this new task was the temptation to abandon this daily writing on my blog.  I lasted 121 days so I was thinking why bother anymore and not switching this into time spent on my book. For me this project has served its purpose, but despite of that I know I have to keep on writing  until I reach that final day because I have a history of giving up on things just when they start to be on the right track. Partially I give up when I find a...

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Day 120 – Mondays and little people

New week, new Monday, new meeting at Writers Group,this time the first one at St. Marks Church after our long summer vacation. It seems that today our amazing crowd will be a little bigger than usual and it’s always exciting to meet new people and reunite with old ones. Monday has become, in almost a year, my favorite day of the week and it’s all because of those meetings and the people attending them. Ever since I fell in love with literature I have dreamed of sharing my ideas with others and hearing their own (I think I was five back then) and I think my wish came true through this group. Of course back then, giving my age I was picturing little people like myself and a room filled with children’s books that we could browse together and then embellish them to make them even more exciting and interesting. I guess on Mondays I can be content to have adults as partners in the crime of literature. As for the little people, I am still waiting and working here to form a really awesome group of small storytellers, who will join me in the world of fantasy and will use their imagination to embellish their lives and those of the ones around them.    

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