This is an awkward topic for me as I have understood ever since I have become a mother that my way is no one else’s way and that I am considered very annoying because I refuse to talk about it as well as receive any unasked for advice. But last night as I was watching my daughter dance with her father, I felt melancholic and found myself missing that little person who used to be inside of me and depend entirely on me, so I remembered…
When I was pregnant, I slowly began to cut off almost everyone from my life. It wasn’t because of depression or anything like it, it was simply that I needed and craved solitude and inner peace. Because of this new attitude I had developed, I also found out which are my real friends and who among them was willing to respect and not judge my wacky desires without taking it as a personal affront. I had the most awful pregnancy, but if anyone would look now at the photos taken then, it seems like it was a great one, mainly because you can see me in all sorts of different cities from Tuscany every weekend, having latte’s and spending time with my husband. It sounds great right? Well, I also remember the awful part of it, so I wouldn’t count on what I see in the pictures; maybe when I am too old to remember the truth, but even then I have all of my monthly letters that I used to write to the little “thingy” inside of me, to show her if she was ever to ask me about it. Looking at her now, I wouldn’t want a boy for anything in the world, but I remember how desperate I was not to have a girl. I used to say that I couldn’t handle a girl who will surpass me in everything if not because anything else then just because of the DNA addition. I have refused to know her gender until she was born, thinking that I will be too upset if I would find out before and that it wouldn’t matter anymore once I would see the little “thingy” in my arms; and I was right, nothing mattered anymore.
Now, after holding their child for the first time every mother develops differently. Some like the attention of others and their help, other become depressed and feel imprisoned, others are natural about it and so on. I for one, isolated myself even more and it was amazing. I wanted nothing more then to spend my entire time analyzing, bonding and getting to know that little person and it all felt so normal and natural. There was the occasional need of talking to another adult or get out of the house, but it wasn’t at all a strong need so I could have given it up easily. During the first six months of my daughter’s life, I have been blamed many times that I am harming myself and the baby by isolating ourselves and not participating in any kind of social gatherings. None of the people who were telling me that, ever realized that my isolation won’t be permanent, so I used to listen to all that blabbing and say in my head: “I don’t give a f..k what you all think! This is my way and I am happy!” and went on with my activities. I have never, even for a minute, regretted that alone time, because I knew I will never have that again and that at some point that tiny person in my arms will become a beautiful individual and will move on and go on her path from the very first step. After a while, the cuddles, the kisses, the smiles, are not whenever you as a mother feel like getting them, but whenever your child wants to give them to you. If I would have to start all over again, I would do the same exact thing and contrary to what everyone was whispering to me during that period, I now have a great social life, a great path that I am on and many projects in progress.
So this is my one and only advice to any woman who is about to become a mother or is thinking about it: always trust your instincts and never allow someone else to tell you what is best for you and your “thingy”. Your way is the best way and this might mean that it’s a totally different way then most of the women do it. Accept your own comfort no matter what and I strongly believe that in this way you will ensure your happiness and your child’s happiness from the very beginning.