Have you noticed how your dreams change as you grow up? Have you ever had a dream and didn’t let go until you were a grown-up? I doubt it. Usually they change shape, form, perspective and even if the essence is the same they aren’t.
For instance among many other dreams, one of mine was to find a job when I grow up that will allow me to read constantly. At first I wanted to become a librarian, because I thought that is what they are required to do all day; the librarian from my school seemed to do nothing else then sit in a chair and read a different book everyday. As I got into my teen years I said no way I can do that, just sit on my ass all day and be unkind to people (because she was a very annoying lady all the time), so I slightly modified it and said a translator is much better because I will get to read as well as practice my language skills. When I landed my first big translation job that required me to translate a user guide for heating systems that had two hundred pages, I almost started weeping because the money was great but I felt like my dream was ruined. So, I did that for some time and then concentrated on publishing houses not acknowledging that they are the ones who decide what you are suppose to read and translate and not you. It doesn’t even matter what came next because in time I understood that to get your dream you are suppose to do so many things that you don’t like in the process and that constantly obliges you to modify your desires. I didn’t give up on it as I think most of the people don’t just give up on their dreams, but I have taken the job part out of it and became a normal reader who reads whatever she feels like it. Although that may sound fine, the problem would be that I am still waiting for that day when I can do it as much as I would like to, but then again that is why I wanted to make it a job because maybe deep down I knew back then that grown ups don’t have that much time to do the things they crave doing. Now, I find myself listening to the people around me reading all these amazing books and I feel like crying because I know I don’t have the physical time to read anything, and I blame myself for not reading what I should have when I could, back in the days when time and trees to climb in just to read were all that I have; but I do cling on a small image that always forms in my head looking into the future and I see a giant tree, a wooden bench underneath it, lots of pillows on it and myself laying on a side, browsing a good book, surrounded by many more that await their turn.
What about you? Does any of you have any dreams that you left behind, change its shape or just let it sit until you have time for it?
