Writer In Florence Ela Vasilescu

Day 137 – About fathers and their roles


Yesterday while in the bus, I heard a conversation between two women that touched my nerves a little. They were talking about a friend of theirs who recently became a mother and they were wondering if her husband, the newly father, was suited for that role and if he finally settled down and was going to be a good father to the child.

This is not the first time I’ve heard this question around me and if I think about it better, ever since I was a child the question: Is he or will he be a good father? was always in my ears. This kind of poor judgement ticks me off, because they never wonder about the mother. Why isn’t anyone asking if a woman is a good mother to her child, or if she is going to be one or not? And yes, I am aware that I will annoy a lot of mothers with this topic, especially the heroine ones who believe that being a mother means sacrificing yourself and forgetting about your own needs as a human being. I am also very aware that fathers cannot feel instantly the same things that mothers do and they do have to work harder to build a special bond with the little one, because let’s face it, the new born knows his mother even before he can take his first breath of air. That does’t mean in any way that she knows better than him or that he can’t learn everything and it certainly doesn’t mean that he is supposed to be constantly questioned or pressured.

Two months after my daughter was born, I started going swimming again and she was left home with her father during those hours. Although I was judged and still am because apparently I left my new born unprotected, I have never wondered about her safety or if he is going to be comfortable with the situation, because she is his as well as mine and I could never think that he doesn’t love her the way that I do, or that he would let anything happen to her. And now I can hear the whispers: “It’s not about love, it’s about clumsiness and fear.” Yes dear mothers, I do know that men sometimes tend to be judged as being a little scared or clumsy when it comes to infants, but I haven’t heard about a sane man who is not willing to learn how to take care of his baby or spend time with him, or fear him, and I am not talking about exceptions here, but about a normal loving family of three, four and so on.

I know a lot of fathers that are wonderful with their children, as well as I know a lot of mothers that are awful and should have not been allowed to have any children, so from my point of view the street goes both ways. So, before you enter this stupid sex battle and ask “Is he a good father?” or “Is he good with his child?”, take a minute and ask the same question regarding the mother and if all this sounds ridiculous to you then maybe you are one step closer to understanding how ridiculous your questions sounds to me.

About the author

Ela Vasilescu

I’m a writer based in Florence, Italy.

Human nature inspires me, different cultures, traditions, folk stories and the differences which make us unique. Documenting stories is a privilege, a glimpse into humanity, an unforgettable experience, one which I embrace and honour every day.

If you have a story twitching in the back of your pocket, one that is ready to be told, shared and heard, chances are I will be ready to listen; so don’t hesitate to send me an email.

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By Ela Vasilescu
Writer In Florence Ela Vasilescu