After being kidnapped yesterday, today I have escaped home. My kidnappers were not very pleased about that, so after trying to woo me a little, they made me sign that I accept running away on my own and visit them as soon as possible. I agreed and sighed, hoping that this is the best decision and won’t have to return sooner than established.
I have a million things to say, I have a million things to understand and cope with, but most importantly I have to sleep for a long, long time just to give my body a break, just to give myself a break. My daughter’s hug today after I came home, was the best medicine I could ask for and I sure couldn’t last for another four days without having that. I think this year, as shitty as it is, has been trying really hard to teach me some lessons and I think its experiment is a huge success: I get it, or at least I hope I do. It’s not bad luck, it’s not a bad year, it’s not bad karma, this is exactly what it is and I have to deal with it or give up. It’s just a phase as any phase and the point is not if I pass this phase, but how I do it and what’s left of it. Yeah, I sound wise after two days in the hospital and still no sure result about my well being.
The truth is I am tired and I have insisted to treat my body very badly these last three years, never letting it rest, always taking on much more than I could possibly handle and making nights become working days. I love working at night, it’s so peaceful and nice, but I guess sometimes you have to give up what you love in order for you to keep doing it regardless the time of day, because what happens if there isn’t any more time and what happens when your time just runs out? A friend was telling me that time doesn’t exist and I think he is right, thus my problem not being time, but my own self constructed feelings about the possibility of it. He also told me to stop ignoring my problems and take what has happened in the past as a warning sign, giving up the idea that our brain is the one that leads us instead of our bodies. Did I listen? Well that’s the funny part, I did, but by that time it was already too late and my body already had other plans for me.
All in all, I am home now, with my people, happy and resting. And also a big thank you to all of you, for all your beautiful messages, for thinking of me and sending me your loving thoughts; it really helped a lot.