We often pretend things from people or from us and when our expectations are not met we are disappointed. We are disappointed by our families, by our friends, acquaintances, work colleagues and so on. But the problem is that no one will know what our expectations are if we don’t verbalize them.
For example when we met new people we assume they will act around us just the way we would want them to and what do you now, most of the time that doesn’t happen. So you start deceiving yourself saying that the other person has a problem without even thinking that you may have one. We pretend certain things from our family members and get disappointed when they don’t respond how we would want them to. We pretend things from our friends without seeing or thinking about their version of the story. So is this fair? Of course not and still we all do it at some point if not all the time.
First of all people in general cannot read minds. Even if they really know you, even if they were always close to you, they have their own way of acting, thinking, speaking, reacting. That’s a fact that’s never going to change. So why have false expectations or why pretend that they should know when you never told them what you want?
A long time ago I used to go to a nice little terrace in the middle of a park, to read. I loved it there but I hated the bartender. The first day I went he didn’t even look at me when he took my order and barely saluted me when I left. Every day it was the same thing. I expected from him to be polite, to act like his job imposes him to, to have some common sense, without thinking that he was doing his job and he did salute me just not in the way I wanted him to. Until one day, after a week or so, I asked him if something was wrong. It was the first time when he looked into my eyes and thanked me for asking, then the story he told me next was heartbreaking and I ended up admiring him for being able to come to work anyway.
So, wouldn’t it be better then expecting things from people to try and understand first if you may be the problem and not them? Wouldn’t it be nice to verbalize your expectations so that people may have a choice before you start judging and pointing fingers? Of course it would, so why not do it?
