There’s this annoying voice in my head telling me a hundred things at once. I keep trying to push it away, but every time the voice tortures me with another question that has at least ten possible answers. Ambiguous? Maybe, but that’s just how it feels to be in my head right now.
The last three days have forced me to decide. What do you want to do? How bad do you want it? Are you willing to fight for it? I took my chance and decided to once again start a battle against the world. The odds don’t look very good and I am sure to loose some good people on the way, but I am willing to pay the price. After building my own beautiful world for me to live in, but also a beautiful hell when stepping outside into the real world, I face a cruel decision. I have to give up some of the beauty from my world in order to start creating a small paradise in the outside world. Sounds complicated right? In fact it’s even more complicated than it sounds.
Every brick that I have placed to create this awesome world of mine has been made out of thousands of tears, suffering incredible amount of pain. Having to let some of them go, having to take them out and push them aside is torture. Balance. We need balance to survive. We need small doses of reality and a well thought plan. We need to kill our dreams and block them out of our mind in order to be happy. That’s what they all say. But when you created yourself from scratch, when you have pushed yourself over the limits and have felt the knife of your feelings close to your throat, you can’t give up. You can compromise. Thus, I will destroy any unnecessary brick that I have built. I will break them and smash them until there is nothing left but dust, and I will build a new world, a compromise world that will become a bridge between my own and the real one, a world that will allow me to smile everyday.
But then again, I said it before: I don’t like compromises that much and compromises never last for that long. So, if the fight is between hell and paradise, for once I will choose the purgatory. Ironically I always felt like it’s the best place to be.