Sometimes I think about what I would say to myself from three or four years ago. Imagine running into your past self on the street and having the chance to sit and have a coffee together. What would you say? What advise would you have for yourself?
For me the first thing I would do is slap myself before sitting down and having a nice conversation about the future. I would then look at myself from the past with at ironic grin on my face, piercing eyes and ask: “So, you say you want to be a writer huh?” Of course, my past me would say yes, with a big smile on my face and I would knock myself senseless until past Ela would be willing to listen to my wise speech from the future. Thinking that you are a writer from home, behind your computer, writing only when inspired and maybe having a pen and paper in your bag all the time, isn’t enough. That’s just a hobby and everyone has one of those. You have to really put in the hours, really do the work and sometimes you have to write things that have no connection with your personal, ambitious projects because guess what, you are a nobody trying to become somebody. And yes you may have the skills, the passion, the talent, but so does who knows how many other aspiring writers out there. You have to make a difference. You have to ignore your goals and pay attention to the road and sometimes that sounds so stupid that you get lost trying to understand to many unnecessary whys. Having a creative skill doesn’t make it easier, it only makes it harder. And when you start realizing that, when you really understand what doing the work means, even then you’re not even close to the truth, but you are heading in the right direction at least. From that to giving everything up it’s always just a step. You are walking right on the edge of disaster with no safety gear on. You will go to bed sighing and complaining that this shit is too hard, this is not what you signed up for and this is not what you dreamed of. Well, if you are a writer, or a painter, sculptor and so on, you will always wake up the next morning thinking that that day will be better and maybe that day is going to be the one you’ve been waiting for, and yesterday maybe you were just a little too tired. Speaking of tired, no more sleep for you for a while. Sleep is for people who deserve it and you haven’t yet.
I am guessing by this point my past me would smile and think all of my words are bullshit, thinking that she knows better and I am just making this stuff up. But, think about it, if I would want to slap past Ela in the face after only two years, think about what I would do to myself ten years from now. Maybe I would read this post, smile and say: “You had no idea girl. You didn’t even know what was going to hit you next. Poor me, I never saw it coming.” 🙂 What would you say to your past self?