I believe in the power of perspective. You never know what you may change about yourself if you don’t experience a situation and see it from all sides possible. Sometimes the change you want to make about yourself after experiencing something new, may surprise you much more than you would expect.
I surprised myself today. After one horrible morning I have reached a decision that took even me by surprise. I rarely change my mind about things. It takes a lot of work and time to convince me that something isn’t the way I think it is, but when I do realize that I was wrong my reactions are always interesting. Sometimes I still keep doing it my way just because I can 🙂 and other times I change my idea completly, to a point where no one knows what happened to me. Despite my horrible morning, today, after three years of constant torture and brain cells burnt every day, worrying about everything, thinking about everything, I took a break. My brain stopped working for six hours and I felt more rested than I felt in a long time.
Remember when I was writing about being in hell with benefits or choosing to take the heavenly, insicure path? Hell looks awesome because my thoughts stop and I can take a break from the world. I wonder what heaven would provide for me? It can’t be worse than this, but I am sure it can be better, much better. Still, I wonder, would heaven give me the oportunity to feel so good, so relaxed, so excited to put my brain to work again now that it had some time off? Do we really need to work our way into heaven when hell is so convinient and easy? That’s why I love purgatory so much. No questions, no answers, just a bunch of blurry, gray certainties. Meanwhile let’s enjoy hell for a few more days and then see how things look like from heaven.