Today started out with me feeling lost and betrayed. Betrayed by myself, by my feelings and by the compromises I have to constantly make. And I hate compromises.
Is there anyone else outhere who still doesn’t know that this was a overall horrible year? You know what’s worst than having a horrible year? Having an amazing one in the same time. How can that be possible you ask? Sounds crazy, but it is more than possible, it’s happening to me everyday. Giving up you say? Yeah, I tried that and it’s not really my thing. Staying optimistic you say? Tried that too, seemed to not have any effect on things. Have I tried anything I could have possible tried? Yup, I did. I even tried doing some of the things I would never agree to do ever. So, what now?
Yesterday I was talking about emptyness, about feeling like a left behind, cleaned out drawer. Maybe that’s the thing, maybe I should be empty before anything else first. Maybe I should just stop, breath in, watch some movies and give up trying so much. Maybe I should wait and just be. It is said that nothing good happenes to those who wait but to those who fight for it, so why doing what the sayings teach us? Why not doing the exact opposite?