The solitude in your head… that is your most precious friend and your worst enemy. You can have all your loved ones around you, family, friends, maybe children and the fortunate ones also have “the one”, but you are alone in your head and you will always be alone in there. There is no one who can tell for sure what highways or no ways are paved inside that thick skull and there are things that you don’t allow even to the dwarfs controlling your brain to see (big surprise, I believe dwarfs live in our heads).
When the going gets tough, that solitude digs until it reaches your soul and it begins to play with your needs, your feelings, yourself. When the going gets wonderful, that solitude needs friends to share its joy and pride, but still it will enjoy a moment only for itself, to kiss its own metaphoric forehead. Your inner thoughts about situations, friends, people near you, behaviors, betrayals, love, are almost never the ones you share with the world around you. In fact, I think no one says the same thing to two different people if those people aren’t connected. The things you say to the family who raised you, will be slightly embellished than the raw ones you tell your lover for instance. The stuff you tell your friends will have a totally different shape than what you tell people you’ve just met. They will all feel as being the same, having the same meaning and consistency, but the truth is, you don’t even know the truth most of the time, so you pour out an opinion (formed by the dwarfs of course).
I’m not implying we are all liars, but that we do it naturally and maybe unwillingly. I believe that many of us have no idea who they really are, that the brain dwarfs create a special world to live in and if one of them falls asleep on the job, we just short-circuit and start asking questions. And when we start asking questions we do have a choice: letting them go at some point and share them with others, or just dig deeper and deeper until we finally have a glimpse of who we are or who we could be. If you reach that state, you will know and understand why you can’t tell anyone what you’ve discovered; that, or the dwarfs just kick your ass inside and forbid you of doing it using blackmail and menaces. So, who are you? Are you alone in your head? Do you allow yourself to feel that absolute solitude that will beautifully kill you and then bring you back to life in the most unbelievable and wonderful way possible?
