I feel nothing. It’s like someone sat on my chest and pressed all the feelings away. But, that’s bullshit because I feel something. I am angry. I am angry with my body that keeps failing me again and again. I am angry at the doctors just because they know much more than they are saying. I am angry at the rules I have to obey to get by every day. I am angry that I have to wait to fulfill my dreams although I am ready now, yesterday. I am angry at my parents, because they didn’t know better. I am angry at some of my friends who are full of shit and pretend to be the best thing they ever happened to me. I am angry with myself because I lost a lot of time just dreaming and not doing, just talking and not acting, just understanding and not… and not what?
I am bitter and I want nothing more than to enjoy my anger today and replace it with some laughter and happiness tomorrow . Until then, over and out!
Hang in there, Ela!