Writer In Florence Ela Vasilescu

Day 77 – After marriage comes divorce… or was it happiness?


Today I had a conversation with a good friend about all the people that get divorced and naturally the topic developed to couples who argue and fight. I already spoke my thoughts about relationships here, but marriage is a whole different topic. I am the kind of person who doesn’t believe in marriage (I know, I am married) and I think marriage is a mistake created by society that should not be allowed to everyone; also it’s only a very good tool for controlling the population. It sounds harsh and I can almost hear the whispers in my ear, telling me I am weird just to say that out loud, but I am so used to that, that I really don’t care (hahaha). I will push it even harder by saying that people shouldn’t be allowed to have children, without some serious psychological testing first.

Why am I different? Maybe I’m not, but the thing is that if marriage would be forbidden, I wouldn’t care, I would still be with my man, regarding of any piece of paper or social status. To get back to divorces, I honestly don’t get why nowadays divorce is so common. I believe in true love and I also believe that love is not enough; you need friendship, communication and self-esteem. Imagine if I would want to be a surfer and he would want to be an alpinist; that would lead to some serious issues and also to a lot of compromises. And that’s another thing: I don’t believe in compromises. Nothing and no one should make you feel like you are supposed to compromise yourself and I certainly am not talking about deciding what to eat for dinner. Basically I hate and reject anything that would make me feel uncomfortable and would try to change my beliefs and my true self for that matter. And yes, there is that saying that if you compromise for the happiness of another it means you truly love them; honestly I think that’s bullshit. No one should want you to compromise yourself only for their well-being, but I do think that true love can sometimes help you to create an ocean up in the mountains so that you can both have your way.

Anyway, when I hear of people getting divorced, I try not to judge. There are tons of situations that can happen and one can’t control; but when they have children I feel a thorn crushing my throat. It makes sense to part ways when you just can’t co-exist anymore and I totally agree that it’s best to separate then allowing your children to live in a problematic environment, but… This topic can take so many turns. Why have children in the first place? Because your biological clock started to disapprove with your life style? Because you thought she or he was the true one for you? Because it made sense? Because you had no idea anything bad can happen? I know it sounds awful and that one can’t possibly imagine and think about everything before anything, but I come from a separated family and I actually know what that does to a kid. For the kid it’s always the parents fault, but that doesn’t happen right away, that usually happens after years of blaming himself. I actually never had that problem and was really happy to have my parents living under separate roofs, but I had many other problems which still get me sometimes and can reflect on my actions or opinions in this case. So, when you get married and you really are convinced you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, just have yourself imagine what can go wrong, before it does. Of course that the things you are picturing may never happen or the thing that will happen is the exact thing that never crossed your mind, but at least you gave it a try and you can train your brain on how to react. And also, when you feel like you passed that test, do another one and picture a beautiful, innocent little baby who looks into your eyes when you hold him and submit that baby to the horror of separation to see how it makes you feel. I will assure you, the thought will crush your heart into pieces. I am definitely not suggesting that anyone should stay in an unfortunate situation for any kind of reason, but I am suggesting building a family after considering everyone else’s happiness, including the happiness of those you want to create.

About the author

Ela Vasilescu

I’m a writer based in Florence, Italy.

Human nature inspires me, different cultures, traditions, folk stories and the differences which make us unique. Documenting stories is a privilege, a glimpse into humanity, an unforgettable experience, one which I embrace and honour every day.

If you have a story twitching in the back of your pocket, one that is ready to be told, shared and heard, chances are I will be ready to listen; so don’t hesitate to send me an email.

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Writer In Florence Ela Vasilescu