I refuse to belong and yet…

I refuse to belong. I refuse to belong in a world that doesn’t want to belong. I refuse to accept and advocate for any group no matter how good their intentions are. I refuse to separate human beings based on color, religion, culture, or sexual preferences. I refuse to be a part of any of this, and yet I keep waking up and breathing the same air as everyone every single day.

The world didn’t shatter in the last few years; the world is a huge mess since the beginning of time, and it won’t stop from imploding any time soon. This world full of hate, this world torn by pain and distrust among its humans, this world we all take for granted, is also filled with love and thirst for change and knowledge.

When I was a little girl, I believed that our purpose is to destroy so that we can rebuild something even more beautiful. I spent hours in the library, hidden in a corner among the book shelves, reading stories about princes who prevail and dragons that die. The bad guy always had to die; the good guy had to be victorious. I was taught that we must suffer to be happy, to be strong, to find greatness. But, no matter how many stories I read, no matter how much pain the good guy endured on his way to happiness I always wanted to know more about the dragon. What was his story? Why is he a monster? What was the motivation of the author when creating such a horrible being? I never stopped searching for an answer, and probably my quest will never end.

I believe the world is torn apart for a reason and some incredible people dedicate their entire life showing a path for us to follow so that we can heal. Am I sorry for all the tragedies happening around us? Regret, pain, suffering, trauma, atrocity are mere words that can never be enough to express the raw feelings a human goes through when experiencing them. I believe humans can never help to heal the world if they do not start healing themselves first. I believe that beauty and untouched by pain people should not be judged or considered strange. And I believe that this trend of considering what is weird, damaged, and traumatized to be awesome should be stopped and cut from its core.

We should embrace our differences and learn from our uniqueness. We should use our curiosity and thirst for knowledge to unite instead of to divide. We should stop, breathe in and learn how to trust ourselves again. In the light of all the wrong surrounding us I learned a beautiful thing this year: It takes a second to make someone cry; it’s a real struggle to make someone smile.

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