When I found out I was pregnant, I was neither happy, nor sad. I was overwhelmed with the fact that I have never wanted my own children, so my reaction remained unknown even for me for a long time. I always worked with kids and loved them, but having one was not part of my plans. I was stunned and expecting the worse and the best at the same time. All through the hours of evening sickness (everything seems to work the opposite way for me) and occasional pains or bad moods from the lack of meat (I am a convinced carnivore, the baby wasn’t!), I thought about the thing that mothers always say: “You will feel the miracle of being a mother, so it’s all worth it “.
I’ve waited, and the day came for me to feel the miracle. Of course nothing happened. And I said to myself that I am the problem, that I should give it some time, but again nothing happened. Thus, I’ve started to think about this topic, that moms never want to approach with honesty, although they will intoxicate you with proper “advice” and never ending love stories towards their children. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my daughter and I could in fact write her tons of love letters, but the miracle of having her never touched me in the way they describe it. From the first moment when I saw her I felt normal, and that was a strange feeling for me. Maybe that was my miracle. Then I started to think about her as a grown up and her relationship with me and I came across a disturbing thought: “I feel like she is my friend not my child, and I need to help her grow up so I can get to know her as an individual.” Because of that thought everything became clear and I started to invest all my energy to raise a good friend.
Most of the time new mothers lie, and I completely understand their point of view. It’s hard to admit that your precious little baby whom everyone adores, drives you insane in certain moments (think about the reaction people would have), so you will say he/she is a little agitated but the smile he/she gave you, made your day. My favorite scene is when two new mothers meet; it’s just like watching a great comedy show. They can talk about their babies forever, without saying more then two truthful sentences (I never understood that) forgetting that before they became mothers they were human beings with needs and interests of their own. Their most common mistake is refusing to understand that if they are happy, their child is happy too. A happy, healthy, pleased with herself mom is always the cool and the most loved mom (at least that is my strong belief). I’ve decided to put this controverted topic on the board and share my opinions and everyday stories about the struggle to raise a friend and not a child. This may sometimes hurt other mothers but at least I will give them a new topic to discuss on their comedy show.
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