The friend I never met

By Loredana Andrei

iphone-1032781_1280Since childhood I was surrounded by only a few friends, but those few I had were very close to my heart. When I left my home country to move to Germany a few years ago, I knew my life was going to change completely; I knew that I will have to learn how to live without any friends around. Even so, I hoped to meet new people here, but it hadn’t been as easy as I thought. Not because Germans are cold, as they say, or because at first I didn’t know the language well (although of course that was an impediment), but because from a certain age on it’s fairly hard to find good friends.

Good friends are old friends whom you’ve built a relationship with since adolescence, whom you are tied to by history, whom you trust. You can trust them with your secrets, facing no judgment from their part, without worrying that your words may be heard by others as well.

From a certain age on it’s easier to make acquaintances, but friends, friends are harder to find, because although you can have a lot in common with the new people you meet, above all if there is no trust, nothing can be created.

Thus, there I was a year later, in a new country, alone, with no friends around, losing touch with many of those whom I left behind. Luckily I just had a newborn who took up a lot of my time, otherwise I would have missed even more the company of a good friend to chat all day about everything and anything and probably my postpartum depression wouldn’t have existed.

Then, suddenly, she came into my life. My good friend, my best friend now, the friend I’ve never met.

No, she is not an imaginary friend; she is very much real, full of life and ideas. We’ve been friends for almost three years now, but we’ve never met in person. We know each other from pictures, videos and stories. We know so much about each other, still we’ve never been face to face. We drank many coffees together, debated almost all topics life threw at us, whether it was politics, parenthood, recipes, important decisions, whether we had wonderful days or plain horrible ones. We’ve always been there for each other. We wrote each other entire stories which later on became novels. And there is still so much to talk about. All this despite the fact we’ve never met.

Man say that time seems to fly when spent next to a beautiful woman. That is exactly what I can say about a good friend whom you are tied to by a special chemistry. I don’t remember if at the beginning we had daily conversation or if that came with time. I know that our friendship is due to an article about mothers and babies to which she left a comment. In time we discovered we are on the same page not only regarding parenthood, but also so much more.

Now, here, in this place, she is my only true friend; the only one whom I can say anything to in any moment, the only one with whom I can’t wait to share what’s happening in my life, good or bad, the only one whom I consult with when I have an issue and the only one who knows when a depression comes my way to haunt me. And I am certain she feels the same. I can feel the reciprocity in our relationship and I don’t need body language to confirm that.

I can’t imagine how our relationship would have been if we would have met in real life; maybe the same or maybe it wouldn’t have existed. As individuals we have the tendency to wear a lot of masks in the real world. I’m not denying that we wear them in the virtual world as well, but the reasons are somehow different. In the virtual environment we take on masks in order to pose as someone else, to impress, to be whom we would like to be, maybe because we don’t have the courage to be ourselves. Whilst in the real world we wear masks to defend ourselves and more than once to hide our vulnerability.

Thus, I don’t know how our relationship would have been if we would have met in the real world. What I do know is that even so, without physically meeting each other, she is the ideal friend anyone would like to have.

When you meet that someone, things move forward effortless, dots easily connect. It’s the same as love: it exists or it doesn’t. Distance becomes only a meaningless factor. I think it was meant to be this way for us; everything connected so natural that I can’t even remember exactly how it went, but it feels like we’ve been friends forever.

Thus, my dear best friend, thank you for being.

13245872_10201749693340515_2089062471_nShort Bio: Loredana Andrei is a psychologist and writer based in Germany. In 2012 she authored an e-book about children’s personality based on their temperament and has done notable work as a psychologist back in her home town Bucharest, Romania. Currently Loredana is the happy mother of a three year old girl, loves to write and communicate with the world through her blog and hopes to soon publish her second book in progress.

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