Why do you do what you do? That is the question. Why do you have the urge to get up and do the thing that you are best at or at least try to be? Is there a person, who knows a generally applied answer, for this particular question?
These last passing months I met a lot of new people, each of them with a beautiful and inspiring story because of their uniqueness. I asked all of them this particular question and the answer although sometimes vague, or sometimes slightly prefabricated, existed without a doubt in their mind and on their lips. I envy all of them. I have no clue why I am doing what I am doing. I can’t find an honest and good enough reason, so that I can say it out loud.
Sometimes, people tell me I am good at what I do, others call me a genius, some are just amazed by the style I use; there are people who just don’t get it and people who say I need improvement, people who help me evolve and people who just hate my work. I love all of them. They are my audience. My audience for what and why?
I was always a good student. I think I learned to do, almost perfectly, at least ten different jobs in different areas, just because I couldn’t find a place that I would fit in just perfectly. I loved all of my jobs. I had to be trained. No one ever taught me to do what I am doing now and I am doing it for the last quarter of a century. I just get up and smile at my keyboard, thinking that we will have the perfect date that afternoon or evening and whenever I bail on it I just use my pen and notebook, to grab that annoying thought, that won’t leave me alone if I don’t write something that day. And before there was a keyboard involved, there were a lot of papers, crowded together like ants in a swarm, in a big colored backpack I used to carry everywhere. Many pens have lost their lives in order to give me their most perfect trace on the white paper and many papers took my hand in the bliss of my solitude.
Still, why? And who has the need for it? Why do I have the need for it? And what are they saying to me, to you? As I write down all these cliche questions, the answer just forms itself in a distant corner of my brain. Should I ignore it?